Why the Grind to be Successful, is killing me.

Hello loves.  I know this is getting to you a lot later than I would like it to, but the weather in Houston has everyone in panic mode and I am over here like I have a post to write.

I want to dive right into this and get it off my chest.  I really suck at writing things down as I feel it because I am always on the move, dinner would seriously burn if my attention is distracted.  It has happened before. = | Sorry babe. 

I have been in a struggle within myself to figure out what and who I want to be.  I am finally at the point in my life where my fertility is a part of me, but it isn't all of me.  I can live without having kids right now and I can live with the fact that I have infertility it isn't going to kill me.  So I am happy in that aspect of my life.  I can wait until God blesses me with kids.  

Yesterday I had an amazing video chat session with a fellow photographer [who in my opinion may should dabble in life coaching, jus sayin'].  She was able to help me determine a lot of things that I was doing to myself, more so to hinder my success than to help it.  

I was trying to run before I could walk is what she said.  I am trying to do the most over the top thing before I accomplish even the minimal thing like creating a to do list.  I started off by telling her I have all of these great ideas, and I have these hopes for my business but as I was talking she was like stop.  She said "You aren't excited about any of those things", none of that made your face light up which I never noticed.  I just want to do them to do them and that isn't being successful it is the complete opposite of successful and it is as though I am setting myself up for failure.  So just stop it.  

I was grinding too hard at a bunch of things that didn't and weren't going anywhere.  If I like to design things that doesn't mean that I have to open a store, maybe I could just offer it as a freebie to my readers for being loyal.  Or a sense of inspiration for all of the people I hope to inspire. 

Then we moved on to my photography, and while I love weddings it isn't the one thing that excites me because I can't devote the time to it that I would like.  I love portraiture, I love playing with make up and fashion and making art out of it.  It excites me.  

So today I am stopping everything, the grind, the hustle and the thinking that I have to be successful today.  I am going to wipe the slate clean and start over.  Because in all honesty I am killing myself.  

I have had the worst stomach pains for the last week and a half, I feel like my insides are all wrong and I am constantly tired.  Sometimes after I eat I feel nauseated and I really feel like I should make a doctor's appointment because something isn't right inside.  

There could be a little bit of resentment, depression, anxiety and etc., all built up in there but I am getting no where by adding more stress to myself.  

I am going to take the time to wipe the slate clean and START OVER.  I give myself the permission to throw stuff out the window and break up with my old life.  You're not working for me and I am not in love with you anymore. 

I hope you guys join me on the journey to success, but I am going to take it one day at a time one dream at a time.  I want to put in the work on one aspect of my life so that I can make sure that the things that I do are great, and not the mediocre bullshit I have been putting out there.

I am where I am because this is exactly where I need to be, and I need to be grateful for the process. 

I have to reach out and send a many thank you's to Stefanie G (here's her link) for taking the time to help me heal.  You helped me in more ways that I can ever repay you for. 

If you are on a new journey or starting fresh, I'd love to read about.  Please send me your link or comment below.