Dear Infertility

dear infertility

I have to admit I haven't thought about you much.  I have put you in the back of my mind and you have faded a lot.  Fitting enough you haven't ruled my life for a good part of this year and I couldn't be happier.  I haven't missed thinking of you, or the overwhelming ache in my stomach that had once kept me in a bitter, hateful mood.

You ruled my world at some point, but I have to say I am proud of myself for letting you go.  Do you still affect my life?  Of course, weight is harder to lose and lifestyle changes are becoming more and more required if only to help make you disappear eventually for good.

I still get asked the constant question of "so, when are you going to have kids?".  But it bothers me less and less.  I haven't thought about you much but I recently feel the need to think about you now.  Yes I am a little bitter, because I can't have children.  But you no longer rule my thoughts or world for that matter.  

I no longer have the urge to cry of the thought of our struggle with you.  I find the urge to be happy and to make changes in my life for the better, not bitter.  So I guess in a sense I have to thank you, for pulling me out of the funk of "must have kids".  And while one day children will be in my future I have less of the must, that it should happen now.  

It will happen one way or another and if it doesn't that is perfectly fine with me, maybe I will find myself living in a far away land doing whatever I damn well please. 

So cheers to you, you hateful bitch.  You made me, into the person I am today.  And I thank you for it.  

If you or someone you know deals with infertility, please sign the petition here and pass it along.