Knocking Down The Walls

-- This week will be a little more about getting to know me. --

I always knew I wanted to be a mother.  I just never knew when it was going to happen.  To this day, I still don't know when it is going to happen.  You see, I have PCOS. I was "officially" diagnosed in February 2012.

My journey with PCOS hasn't been as easy as I assumed it would be.  After two years of already trying then being diagnosed with PCOS.  We decided to proceed with an IUI.  We were ready to have children.  My doctor prescribed Clomid and once we received a positive ovulation test we were in to do the IUI.  The procedure was quick and painless.  I was hopeful because a friend of mine was successful with twins after her first IUI.  I was praying for one, but if we had twins I'd be overjoyed [I know I must sound crazy].

I had to wait two weeks prior to taking the pregnancy test and when the day had finally came we were overjoy.  I might have literally jumped up and down for joy because the test was positive.  The joy was short lived, I started spotting the day after and I contacted the weekend nurse.  She said it isn't a good sign, but they couldn't be sure until I went in to check my blood levels.  Sure enough they were not at the level of a viable pregnancy.  I was told that I would need an injection to dissolve the pregnancy, so I did.  They instructed me to come back a week later to see if another injection was needed.  I was a little concerned since almost everything I read on other cases the doctor's had their patients come back after three days in case another injection was needed.

I didn't make it to my week appointment because I had to rush to the emergency room from excruciating pain.  The injection wasn't enough to dissolve the pregnancy and my tube ruptured.  Not only was I losing a baby [embryo], but also my left tube.  I was devastated.  I had never had a surgery before and my mother was out of the country.  Thankfully my husband's family was there to help as much as they could, but nothing could change that this was in fact the worst day of my life and all the other "worst" days turned into just days. 

Since then having children seems to slip further and further from my grasp.  This August I went to Guadalajara Mexico to do my first attempt at IVF.  If you don't know about IVF the procedure here in the states, can range from 15,000-20,000+.  In Mexico it was costing us $7,500 plus the cost of hotel, food, and flights.

During the cycle you have to take a lot of injections depending on how your body responds.  After taking the medication I was told by the doctor that I have OHSS [Ovarian Hyper-stimulation Syndrome and doing the transfer now could send me back to the ER.  My best option was to freeze my embryos and try for another dates.  The total cost has now cost us around 10,000, because I had to pay additional to freeze my embryos.  After returning to Mexico I was told again that I may not be ready because my lining was too thin, but the doctor had me extend my trip and return at a later day, he assured me that my lining was thick enough.  We did the procedure and two weeks later, I still was not pregnant.  We are now looking into building our house, and then trying in the states once we are able to afford the cost.  

I have my good days and I have my bad days.  I just keeping holding on to hope that one day, I will be blessed to have a beautiful happy baby or babies in my arms.  Until then I am filling my life with family, friends, food and whole lot of travel.